Every single night the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel the strangest strangement
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
- Buffy Summers (words by Joss Whedon)
***
I'm such a big liar. Today a colleague asked me why I don't shave my beard (which really are just small stumps of hair on my chin) and I said it's for a rather practical albeit absurd reason - I wanted to look more mature so as to be taken seriously because, and this I told her with the conviction of an innocent man about to be hanged, no one in this business is taking me seriously.
It is partly true, because at this age (24) I am still often mistook for a college student. But the real reason is: I just forget to shave. Every morning I wake up like a zombie, and go to work without a care any more what I look like or what I do. I don't keep my planner anymore - the last entry reads March 2009. I'm in this zombie-like state for quite awhile now, and getting up just keeps getting harder and harder with each passing work day.
And like a real zombie (if there was one), I am seriously hungry for brains.
But yeah, while I'm still here, my issue is because I want to be taken seriously. Right.
***
My curse is I can lie with a straight face. And I ardently believe in its truth to sustain it, so that sometimes it turns to reality.
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