And just like that

I'm back. Now, what do we have here?

bye.

Aww. I hate to leave you, but I've realized Google is putting me out there too much.

Don't worry, I'm not gone.

the tournament

I don't understand how an election candidate can claim to care for the people while effectively blocking half of the country's widest highway for his sortie, creating the worst traffic jam along Commonwealth Avenue in the post-Bayani Fernando era.

He probably couldn't care less. And judging by the jeers and soda cans and water bottles thrown his way while he and his party mates prance around their makeshift stage in the middle of the highway, the people couldn't care less either.

Let the perya begin.

***

Mabuti na lang uso na ang VOB (video on board) sa city buses. Daily commute allows to me to catch movies I secretly wanted to see but feels spending on them would be stupid (read: Booba, Dead or Alive, Resident Evil, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Porkchop Duo). Tonight's discovery is The Tournament, a feel-good, inspiring movie by my standard (lots of blood and gore, I mean). Starring Kelly Hu and that guy from The Full Monty, it's a two-hour time waster about the search for the world's best assassin via the process of elimination. This "search" is held every six years.

Then I remember that this is an election year. How I wish the events depicted in the movie are fictitious.

post-holiday blues

Today I will get a call from some stranger, asking to confirm if I was who I am, who will turn out to be the lawyer-executioner of a vast inheritance sum from a long lost grandparent. I'll go downstairs to check my bank account, and my 5-digit savings balloons to 8-digit sums. In real time. As in right before my eyes. A stopwatch on the ATM screen.

I'll walk out of the building not caring about the work I left behind, book a ticket to Prague, then I head home to get some sleep, but on the way I buy a brand new MacBook Pro, a dozen shirts, two dozen books, a king-size bed. A dozen jars of parmesan cheese. I buy a lot of things. I don't have to wake up early tomorrow, I say to myself.

The depths of the lows after the holiday highs. Haaayyy.

a fairy godmother could help

The wedding probably was the most un-magical we've ever seen, so much so that the media did away (thankfully) with any pretensions of a romantic love story and dedicated much of the coverage to what it really was - a marriage of egos. It was a big cathedral and a long procession of egos if you ask me. As if you would.

be careful what you wish for

As the Pussycat Dolls keep reminding us, we just might get it (referring to previous blog).

***

I really don't know what to make of Drag Me to Hell, but I haven't had this much fun in a horror film since, well, The Evil Dead.

Bring in the blankets. They'll be very useful for wiping off tears after hysteric laughter.

It's got blood.

It's got nice, gross stuff.

And a scary beast! Rawrrr!

Serenity

Wow. This just feels so great. It's a Friday, and it looks like I'm heading off to dreamland in my rented bedspace while the rest of the Metro are clogging restaurants, the wide EDSA streets, karaoke houses, and cinemas - fun places in other words.

I used to not care. Now I wonder why I'm giving a fart that it's Friday and everyone's supposed to be having fun and a great time.

I think I'd like a bad night to spite it.
***
I'm making a lot of compromises lately, and it's hard for someone as selfish as I am. Haha. And I thought I won't be needing life lessons when I'd led one full of them. Well almost.

They say saying sorry is the hardest thing in the world, but people don't ask God for help to do that. There's a prayer though for serenity.

days gone

It's been nine long years since the world last changed. But the memories are still strong - I remember watching The Others on primetime TV when the news rolled in, small and insignificant below the screen with the show's main characters dying on the background. Thinking about it now, it seemed like a cruel joke on the weight of the tragedy and deaths it reported.
***



Oh yes he is. I knew it.

RIP: Alexis Tioseco

Now I don't know much about Alexis Tioseco, but news of his death particularly struck me though I can't really explain why. Tioseco was murdered in his home in Quezon City with his Slovenian lover.

I first heard him on the program Media in Focus, as a panelist on the (very) recent NAA controversy along with Butch Dalisay and Carlo Caparas. He and Butch were among those who questioned the legitimacy of the selection process. He was meek and mild as a freshman in university, but on the few times that he was able to speak (Caparas took his and Dalisay's position personally), he made me listen to what he was saying. I first found it a bit difficult, seeing that he seems so lightweight sitting beside THE Pinoy Penman, but the words that came out of his mouth where sharp and concise, on target but not provocative. He was worth listening, and soon I found myself reading his articles in Rogue and checking his Wordpress. I remember watching that particular episode just about 2 weeks ago.

He was passionate about cinema (Filipino cinema in particular, which is more than I can say about other film intellectuals) and he wrote about really interesting stuff. A few blogs more, and I was already looking forward to what he was going to write about next. Rarely do we find someone as promising in his field.

He was 29 years old when he was shot 8 times.

Now I finally understand why his violent death struck me. He was gone too soon.

music on my mind

Because I'm currently and (most importantly) secretly looping Taylor Swift in my iPod, here's a tribute - not by me, but by someone who'd cover it a gazillion times better than I can ever hope to do. Check him out, he's got other pretty amazing covers as well. Not very original yes, but still he's got dang smooth vocals and guitar-playing skills.

***

I've been following Manny Garcia almost as soon as I got hooked on Wicked - he's among the hundreds online who covers songs from the musical, and I think he maybe the best of these wannabes. Last month he twitted joining on AI 10. Hope he makes it through. And before I forgot, he's parents are both Filipinos so if luck's on his side, Charice might want to start learning to step aside.

***

I hope the staff and crew of MTV Pilipinas lead honorable and decent personal lives, because I don't think they can get it from their work.

And lord I wish Myx learns that a person's looking Korean enough does not translate to even an acceptable level of hosting skills. God I want to chew that girl's head off. Grrr.

"it's about the video not you b****!"

self-medication

Now that I've sunk to the blackest depths of boredom, I realize that I can't help but feel pathetically depressed - and this presents a possible explanation of my habitual depression, which friends have all attributed to things as silly as the lack of a partner to a sign of personality disorder. For days now my adrenal glands are in stasis, and I've been doing nothing but respond to email messages that I really do not even have to reply to. I do just so I can do something.

I'm banking that tomorrow all this will change, but at least now I know that my perennial depression is a twin phenomena of this ennui, and it has nothing to do with another person not being with me or the wirings in my brain. I just could not feel boredom. The moment the first signs of tedium appears, depression takes over. And now that I know this, finding a cure becomes much easier, one that does not involve me forcing myself on another person or taking medication.

I just have to do something. Anything.

So now that I'm feeling its first bites, I'll list down my anti-boredom i.e. anti-depression playlist because honestly, when the only open program in your PC is a clean Outlook inbox, organizing your mp3 collection seems as critical as your next multi-million peso project.

Now make me busy playlist.

1.) Dry Your Eyes - The Streets
2.) Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
3.) Reason Why - Rachel Yamagata
4.) No More Good Guys - Skindive
5.) Pretty Pathetic - Smoking Pipes
6.) Last Request - Paolo Nutini
7.) Mr. Brightside - The Killers
8.) Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying - Belle and Sebastian

Now I've got to find what albums you came from, when you were released, your track number, sort your genre, and set your equalizer levels. I'm going to be so very busy! Yey!

So much for anti-depressants.

fandom

I hope Andy Borowitz lives in California, or Netherlands. I plan to marry him and have his children. Here's how he proposed.

the ball is round

I hate it that Manchester United did not include Manila in its Asian Tour. Bugger, this basketball-crazy country whose obsession with the game is inversely proportional to the performance of its national team, even against neighboring countries who'd rather play football.

don't forget to breathe

I just had to keep this. I literally ran out of air laughing at this one. From a certain weng from Peyups.com.

Si Bebeng Kuripot

Registered nurse si Bebeng sa L.A. Kasama niya ang kanyang ina na nagpagamot doon. Namatay ang ina nito. Dahil sa kamahalan ng pamasahe pabalik sa Pilipinas, nagtipid si Bebeng. Pinauwi na lang niya ang kabaong ng kanyang ina na mag-isa.

Pagdating ng kabaong, napansin ng mga kapamilya niya na nakadikit ang mukha ng ina sa salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento tuloy ang isang anak, "Ay, naku! Tingnan mo 'yan... hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkay sa Amerika! Nakudrado tuloy ang mukha ng inay."

Upang ayusin ang itsura ng bangkay, binuksan ang kabaong. Aba ! May sulat na-nakastaple sa dibdib ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ang nilalaman ng liham na mula kay Bebeng:

Mahal kong tatay at mga kapatid:

Pasensya na kayo at hindi ko nasamahan ang nanay sa pag-uwi riyan sa Pilipinas dahil napakamahal ng pamasahe. "Ang gastos ko pa lang sa kanya ay mahigit $10,000 na. Ayoko nang isipin pa ang eksaktong halaga. Anyway, ipinadala ko kasama ni nanay ang mga sumusunod...

Nasa likod ni nanay ang dalawampu't apat na karnenorte at isang dosenang spam. Ang adidas na suot ni nanay ay para kay tatay. Ang limang pares ng de-goma ay nasa loob ng dalawang asul na Jansport na backpack na inuunan ni nanay. Tig-iisa kayo.

Ang iba't-ibang klase ng tsokolate at candy ay nasa puwetan ni nanay. Para sa mga bata ito. Bahala na kayong magparte-parte. Sana'y hindi natunaw. Ang pokemon stuffed toy na yapos-yapos ni nanay ay para sa bunso ni ate. Gift Ko sa first birthday ng bata. Ang itim na Esprit bag ay para kay Nene.

Ate, nasa loob ng bag ang pictures ni inay, japanese version ng pokemon trading cards at stickers. "Suot ni nanay ang tatlong Ralph Lauren, apat na Gap at dalawang Old Navy t-shirts. Ang isa ay para kay Kuya at tig-iisa ang mga pamangkin ko. Maisusuot ninyo ang mga iyan sa fiesta.

Suot din ni inay ang anim na panty hose at tatlong warmer para sa mga dalaga kong pamangkin. Isuot nyo sa party.May isang dosenang NBA caps sa may paanan ni nanay. Para sa inyo, itay, kuya, dikong, Tiyo Romy. Bigyan nyo na rin ng tig-isa 'yung mga pamangkin ko at 'yong isa ay kay Pareng Tulume.

Ang tigdadalawang pares ng Nike wristband at knee caps na suot-suot din ni nanay ay para sa mga anak mo, diko, na nagbabasketball. Tigdadalawang ream ng Marlboro lights at Winston red ang nasa pagitan ng mga hita ni nanay.

Apat na jar ng Skippy Peanut Butter, dalawang dishwashing liquid, isang Kiwi glass cleaner at tig-aanim na Colgate at Aqua Fresh ang nakasiksik sa kilikili ni nanay. Hati-hati na kayo, huwag mag-aagawan.

Isang dosenang Wonder bra ( Victoria 's Secret ata ang tatak) gustong-gusto ni Tiya Iskang society natin, suot-suot din ni nanay. Alam kong inaasam-asam nyo 'yan, tiya. Anim na lipstick lang ang kasya sa bra. Ang Rolex na bilin-bilin mo tatay, suot-suot ni nanay. Nakatakip sa Nike na wristband. Kunin mo agad, Itay.

May isinisik akong zip-loc sa bunganga ni Inay na naglalaman ng $759 dollars. Hindi na ako nakatakbo sa ATM. Puede na siguro sa libing iyon.

Iyong tong na makokolekta, i-time deposit niyo Kuya para pag namatay si Tatay may pambili na ng ataul.Ang hikaw, singsing at kuwintas (na may nakakabit pang anim na nail cutters) nagustong-gusto mo, ditse, ay suot- suot din ni nanay. Kunin mo na rin agad, ditse. Ibigay mo ang isang nailcutter kay Jay bakla sa kanto.

Tanggalin niyo ang bulak sa ilong ng inay, may isiniksik ako 3 diyamante sa bawat butas. Ibangon niyo lang si inay at tiyak na malalaglag na ang mga iyon. Konting alog lang siguro ng ulo.

Marami pa sana akong ipaglalalagay kaya lang, baka mag-excess at si nanay pa ang maiwan. Basta parte-parte kayo, tatay, kuya, ate, dikong, ditse. Para sa inyo lahat ito. Bahala na kayo kay nanay. Pamimisahan ko na lang siya rito.

Balitaan ninyo na lang ako pagkatapos ng libing. Alam ni ate ang email ko. Paki-double check ang lista kung walang nawala sa mga ipinadala ko.

Nagmamahal,

Bebeng

***

Still reeling from Ken Watanabe's glorious performance in Memories of Tomorrow, screened in this year's Eiga Sai. Be sure to catch it if you can.

robed

Great.

Checking Facebook every hour or so, going out for two-hour lunch, and then leave work an hour early.

These things make for an employee of the month.

***

The thing about my job (which I can't really tell if positive or negative) is that when it rains, it pours, and when the sun shines, it's scorching hot. I'm not good at making up idioms, but I hope I got the point across.

I wish it starts raining soon. I like being wet.

of heroes and honor

I wish we don't give title so easily. Heroes fight for a cause bigger than themselves and their loved ones. They change the course of history and the forces that move it when all circumstances tell them it should go one way. With all due respect, what Aquino did was ride - and not without reluctance - on its tide, when millions of small heroes who bravely faced tanks and guns armed only with flowers and their faith, needed a clear, bright ink to write the history they were making.

Give Aquino all the honors she deserves, and give our heroes what's rightfully theirs and theirs alone.

***

Butch Dalisay was being polite when he insisted on TV that the issue is not with Carlo J. Caparas but with the National Artist selection process being compromised. As much as I'd like to think that is the case, I doubt if the protests would be this loud if he wasn't conferred as one. I also think that contrary to Dalisay's assertion, the selection process is not entirely devoid of dirty politics to begin with. Our creative community has a highly tribal nature, and awarding decisions are not immune to the asarans and inisans they get into during their inuman sessions. Cecille Alvarez has every reason to be paranoid: had she left Malacanang out, she can say goodbye to the award for good - there is talk she is not well-liked by our respected "artists", and there's no chance in Dante's hell that she would be nominated for the title without some external intervention.

But the divine comedy is in the tarpaulin-waving Caparas, who equates the title with box-office earnings and masa appeal. It doesn't matter that he had not won a single award for any of his works, nor a recognition of the literary values of the komiks na kanyang pinagpupuyatan at pinagpapaguran. His arguments remind me of Erap-talk, that philosophy where giving away grocery gift bags equate to good governance. If these will be our criteria, then by all means let's already give Lito Camo and Salbakuta the award for music.

***

They say every dark cloud has a silver lining, and this controversy brings to light an important discourse on the value and the subject of art. In a country where art lessons end with the color wheel chart, its great to see people talk about these things with equal airtime as anything Kris Aquino.

My sad prediction however, is that the awards will never recover from this controversy. Its a lose-lose situation - whether they revoke the awards (a very long shot) or not (Caparas receiving the honorifics forever).

scarred

I'm no big fan of fanfic - especially slash - but this really tickled a bit. From crazy deviant artist KaoriTheZXSFangirl:

Kakashi woke to the sound of a small bird in the trees. He was on a mission with Iruka to find a scroll lost in the forest. It was the second day on their trip and they had only just reached the forest that night.

Kakashi looked around, noting that Iruka was missing.

Well, while Iruka is gone I might as well find some fresh water… He thought. Not far from the ‘camp’, he heard the babbling of a stream, accompanied with the sound of bathing. Kakashi peeked his head around a tree, expecting to find an enemy. He was taken aback to find Iruka bathing with his back to the ninja.

An idea suddenly struck Kakashi. He founds Iruka’s cloths and hid them, along with his own cloths as well. Then, sneaking back to the deep river, he jumped in. Lucky for him it was deep enough to swim in and not be seen or his plan would be ruined.

He silently swam up to Iruka, and with a laugh, dunked the teachers head under water. Kakashi was cut off through mid laugh when something grabbed his leg and pulled him under too. The men resurfaced laughing. Then, without warning, Iruka grabbed Kakashi’s shoulder

and pulled him into a rough kiss.

Moments later, the men released each other and stood a good few feet apart.

A thud made them turn to the trees and their faces turn bright red. Naruto had been hiding in the tree, watching everything. He was now on the ground, twitching. Kakashi swore loudly and Iruka laughed.

That was just how the cookie crumbled.

Fan art from this site.

erratum

going through the motions

Every single night the same arrangement

I go out and fight the fight.

Still I always feel the strangest strangement

Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.

- Buffy Summers (words by Joss Whedon)

***

I'm such a big liar. Today a colleague asked me why I don't shave my beard (which really are just small stumps of hair on my chin) and I said it's for a rather practical albeit absurd reason - I wanted to look more mature so as to be taken seriously because, and this I told her with the conviction of an innocent man about to be hanged, no one in this business is taking me seriously.

It is partly true, because at this age (24) I am still often mistook for a college student. But the real reason is: I just forget to shave. Every morning I wake up like a zombie, and go to work without a care any more what I look like or what I do. I don't keep my planner anymore - the last entry reads March 2009. I'm in this zombie-like state for quite awhile now, and getting up just keeps getting harder and harder with each passing work day.

And like a real zombie (if there was one), I am seriously hungry for brains.

But yeah, while I'm still here, my issue is because I want to be taken seriously. Right.

***

My curse is I can lie with a straight face. And I ardently believe in its truth to sustain it, so that sometimes it turns to reality.

me

Would it be selfish if tomorrow I just think of my own happiness and just do something that I really like doing?

Would it be so selfish of me if I just dropped everything, stopped working, and follow my dreams?